Slowing down ageing is mostly about muscle, movement, sleep, your hearing and your friends. Here’s how to keep body and mind in shape without becoming the bloke who moans about everything.
Somewhere around 50, a choice turns up. One road leads to the man who still says yes to things: a new sport, a new friend, the odd new album. The other leads to the man who reads the news out loud just so he can tut at it.
Nobody chooses grumpiness on purpose. It builds up slowly, through stiff knees, poor sleep, hearing that’s going and a social circle that keeps shrinking. The good news is that most of those things can be fixed. Fix them and the body and the temper both tend to improve.
Let’s be fair to the grumpy old man. He usually has his reasons. Back pain makes you short-tempered. So does broken sleep. If you can’t follow the conversation in a noisy pub, you stop going to the pub. Once you stop going, you have fewer people to laugh with and more time to stew.
That’s the useful part. Grumpiness is often a symptom, not a personality. A lot of what sours your mood in midlife is physical and fixable: weak muscles, stiff joints, too little movement, worn-out hearing, bad sleep and too much time alone.
So the plan to age more slowly and the plan to stay pleasant company turn out to be the same plan. Handy.
The UK guidelines for adults aren’t heroic. Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate activity a week, such as brisk walking or cycling, or 75 minutes of vigorous activity such as running. On top of that, do strengthening work on at least two days a week. Break up long stretches of sitting where you can.
Most men remember the cardio and skip the strength. That’s a mistake. From middle age you slowly lose muscle unless you give it a reason to stay. Less muscle means weaker legs, worse balance and a gradual slide towards the day when getting out of a low armchair takes planning.
You don’t need a gym membership to fix this. Squats, press-ups against the kitchen worktop, lunges, carrying the shopping home and digging the garden all count. Two sessions of 20 to 30 minutes a week, gradually made harder, is a solid start. If you have a heart condition, joint problems or haven’t exercised for years, have a word with your GP first.
There’s a bonus for your mood. Regular exercise is one of the better-supported ways to lift low mood and help you sleep. Plenty of men find a brisk walk works better on a bad temper than any amount of complaining.
You’d service the car. Your body has had more miles.
In England, adults aged 40 to 74 without certain existing conditions are invited for a free NHS Health Check every five years. It looks at blood pressure, cholesterol, weight and your family history, and gives you a rough idea of your risk of heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and kidney disease. If your invitation hasn’t arrived, ask your GP surgery. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland don’t run the same programme, so if you live there and want a check, ask your GP practice or pharmacist what they offer.
While you’re at it, check your waist. The NHS rule of thumb is that it should be less than half your height. Fat around the middle is the kind linked to heart disease and diabetes, and the tape measure tells you more than the bathroom scales. A man who drops from 15st 10lb (100kg) to 14st 2lb (90kg) usually notices it first in his belt and his knees.
Then there’s your hearing, which men are famous for ignoring. Hearing loss is one of the risk factors for dementia that you can actually do something about. It also cuts you off from people, and that’s the fast track to grumpiness. If you keep asking people to repeat themselves or the telly keeps getting louder, ask a pharmacist or your GP about getting your hearing tested. Free NHS hearing aids are available if you need them.
Grumpiness is often a symptom, not a personality, and most of the causes can be fixed.
Crosswords are fine, but the brain seems to do best on a mixed diet: physical activity, decent sleep, people, and learning things that are actually a bit hard. A new language, an instrument, a skill at a night class. Being slightly rubbish at something for a while is good for you, and it’s also good for your ego.
Sleep matters more than most men admit. If you snore loudly, wake up gasping or feel exhausted however long you’ve been in bed, see your GP. Sleep apnoea is common in middle-aged men and treatable, and treating it can make you a much more cheerful person to be around.
Then there’s alcohol. The UK low-risk guideline is no more than 14 units a week, spread over several days, with some drink-free days. That’s about six pints of average-strength beer. Booze wrecks sleep, which wrecks your temper, which makes another drink look appealing. See how that goes round.
Cynicism feels clever, and it costs you nothing in the moment. Over time it costs you plenty. The man who has decided that everything new is rubbish stops trying things, stops meeting people and slowly shrinks his world to the size of his armchair.
Men are especially good at letting friendships fade after 50. Work friends drift away and the children leave home. Some men find their social life has quietly been run by their partner for 20 years. Rebuilding it takes some effort, but it doesn’t have to be awkward. Join a walking group or a five-a-side team, do parkrun, or volunteer. Men’s Sheds, community workshops where men work side by side on practical projects, exist across the UK for exactly this reason. Many men find it easier to talk shoulder to shoulder than face to face.
A few habits that help: say yes to one invitation you’d normally turn down. Spend time with people younger than you and actually listen to them. Before you complain about something, ask whether you could do anything about it. If you could, do it. If you couldn’t, let it go.
And if the grumpiness is really something heavier, like constant irritability, losing interest in things or feeling flat for weeks, that may be depression rather than character. Talk to your GP. In England you can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies, and services elsewhere in the UK can be reached through your GP. If you’re struggling to cope right now, call NHS 111. In an emergency, call 999.
The best ways to slow ageing are the dull, reliable ones: regular movement, strength training twice a week, good sleep, sensible drinking and keeping on top of checks like blood pressure and hearing. Those same habits protect your mood, because much of midlife grumpiness comes from pain, tiredness, isolation and hearing loss. Stay curious, keep your friendships going and say yes more often, and you’ll age better in body and temper.
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No gym, no Lycra, no motivational shouting. Here’s a short, evidence-based plan for men in midlife who hate exercise but would quite like to keep living well.
Dieting and cardio alone can strip away muscle as well as fat. Here is why lifting weights is the underrated part of losing weight in midlife, and how to start.
Muscle doesn’t stay put in midlife. If you don’t use it, you lose it. Here’s how much strength training you actually need after 45, and how to start safely.
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